FEBRUARy 11, 2020

I’ve never been in your place. You’ve never been in mine — and oh how I pray you never are. But somehow, you’ve found words that resonate with potency, relevance and meaning. I don’t know what I would say to me over these five months since my accident, the past two weeks or right now, but a truly awe-inspiring number of human beings the world over have shared words, messages, thoughts, tales, wisdom, imagery and love that resonate in shockingly deep ways. What is said matters, as does how it is framed, and often simply that a gesture is made.

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I want to say thank you for baring witness. Knowing that others are out there in the ethers, that you care enough to read and reach out, that you honor my truths, that you have felt something similar (even if under entirely different circumstances), that you articulate stories you believe to be useful, that you want to help however you possibly can gives me tremendous strength and comfort. While I have been navigating this journey largely in physical isolation (by necessity and by choice), there have been few moments where I felt acutely alone — and that is a testament to you, my community, my people who have not wavered, faded or disappeared.

I want to say thank you for staying present. I am eternally grateful to every person who has shown up for me, even when they hadn’t the slightest clue as to what that meant. Because no one knows, not even I — certainly not I! I struggle with what to ask for or how, yet so many continue to offer up ideas and keep at it, checking in without fail. Please continue. Continue to write. Continue to inquire. Continue to send notes and food and plants or anything else, though those seem to be the only things I have consistently named as desiring thus far. I receive all gifts, energies, prayer, lessons, mantras, incoming missives with such profound gratitude, which also pushes me to open further as to better receive your generosity of spirit and abundant love.

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I want to say thank you for being my teachers. Though unintentional, I have been learning from wise, present, gentle souls about how to better show up for both myself and for another in moments of need, pain, transition, darkness — to listen with openness and understanding, to be present without probing or stress, to love without expectation or presumption, no matter what you face, where you find yourself, how you feel or that damn ‘why.’ I am growing, progressing, evolving and finding ways through because of and with you.

I want to say thank you for your wisdom. When approached from a place of genuine care, concern and kindness, not on the attack or layering pressure, guilt or negativity, I am able to hear even what is difficult, challenging, maddening in that moment. Your personal and philosophical, short and lengthy, random and planned musings remind me that I am closer to healing each day (despite how it may seem), that I am succeeding by simply being (surviving and doing much more), that people and the world will welcome me when the time is right (an unknown that cannot be dictated), that I am helping others through my vulnerability (a point of great unexpected joy), that you too are angry and confused and sad and wish these horrors would end, the situation would shift, a magic wand would appear, but in the absence of miracles (for which we can absolutely still pray), will be there all the same.

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Because it matters, because I want you to hear it, because gratitude is pivotal, please allow me to say aloud once more: thank you.