FEBRUARy 3, 2020
There is no panacea. No remedy for all disease exists. No cure-all for all ills is out there. No answer for all problems can be found. No solution for all difficulties remotely possible. I saw yet another expert/top/lauded doctor today, one with lofty credentials and many degrees and vast experience — and my largest takeaway is: there is no panacea. He doesn’t have it, nor do I, nor do you, nor does anyone.
You may be the most intelligent human on earth, having personally endured or intimately witnessed the unimaginable, yielding revolutionary breakthroughs and cutting-edge discoveries, with every resource at your fingertips, the best of intentions and only goodness in your heart, but the very idea of a universal remedy or absolute medical science is a toxic and delusional lie — especially for challenges resulting from trauma, accident fallout, brain injuries and neurological perplexities. Not only is there no rulebook or roadmap; there is often no precedent or even close parallel. Nothing is simple or straightforward, and regarding ever-complicated physical and psychological conditions as such is a direct insult to and attack on the severity, validity and unfortunate uniqueness of any individual ailments and needs.
What is revelatory, wondrous and invaluable — even life-saving, life-prolonging or life-enhancing — to you, to a loved one, to an author, a celebrity, a friend of a friend is indeed revelatory, wondrous and invaluable… to that person in that situation amid those circumstances at that moment. I am eager to hear about, learn of, look into and be exposed to wide-ranging solutions that may offer hopeful prospects, alleviation of pain, potential healing, anything at all, so please always feel free to share ideas or suggestions of treatments, doctors, connections, cases or the like. But do it without expectation, force or pressure — please.
I am just hoping, working and trying to make it through another day, a lofty and seemingly unattainable goal at more moments than one may expect. And when finding my way as best I possibly can, by drawing upon and employing a multitude of diverse and complimentary approaches, added layers of judgment do not help. I don’t NEED to see anyone, though I can. I don’t NEED to answer, though I may. I don’t NEED to read/write/listen to/dial/click/do a damn thing, and certainly not according to any external schedule, though when an opportunity is presented before me, I can indeed take advantage of it — and it may then prove beneficial. What a gift that would be! But it might not — and that is okay; this may be a likely outcomes, especially given the intensely complicated nature, various facets and lengthy duration of my recovery since the accident. I honor, respect and appreciate even that which I cannot find application for, at least not right now in this context.
I also have the choice to not to do something for any reason, to try it once but never again, to commit to a trial and then walk away, or to continue for some duration on whatever grounds I see fit. While no decision is made haphazardly, alone or without deliberate thought, intention and advice, many many many factors play important roles in the process, including intuition (imagine that!), accessibility, stress, conflict, budget, time, energy, priorities, planning, healing and a multitude of others that tie into the known and unknown, public and private, obvious and baffling, noted and indiscernible.
Anything can be useful. Anyone can be helpful. Any moment can be of tremendous benefit. But no one MUST do anything, ever. What I tried today, the guidance I acted upon, and the doctors I saw had value in that I learned more about what treatments, approaches and branches of medicine do and do not work for me in the present, as it relates to both my acute and general needs. There is no panacea — so I keep going. I keep trying. I keep searching. I keep feeling. Processing. Writing. Listening. Working. Surrendering. Breathing. Sleeping. Resting. Eating. Living. Surviving. I am not be doing well, but I am doing.