September 17, 2019

One doctor said I need additional surgeries on my eye socket due to the accident. Another said disfigurement is the result of muscle damage from injuries to my face. I have a foreign body lodged inside my lip aka a piece of asphalt that got trapped when I hit the ground. Any fractures in my skull will likely *and hopefully* heal themselves with rest and time. It feels like there is a constant weight pressing down on my eyelid, upper lip and teeth. I am still unable to smile or move my face to show much emotion at all. It’s a waiting game to see how scar tissue develops and whether it caves on my forehead, brow, eye and lips. My eyebrow is a piece of work now that some stitches have been removed, despite the surgeon’s very best efforts in the heat of the moment. Every doctor wants tests, referrals, second opinions, other specialists — and we haven’t even begun to dive into the complex dental and oral surgery needs yet. I don’t know what is veritable, necessary or justified and what is the nonsense of a deeply flawed American medical system seemingly built on fear of lawsuits and broken insurance claims. But I do know that I’m incredibly fortunate to have access to quality medical care, community reaching out with love (I appreciate every single word, message, thought, prayer, delivery, person!) and a safe place to heal. Amid the mayhem, I am happy to have found one great surgeon who has given me a sliver of peace of mind — and for the kindness, brilliance and calm of that Norwegian MD, I am deeply grateful, though my body remains in pain, brain overwhelmed, spirit hurting and mind on edge. I am learning much, including that I need to honor myself with the gift of time to allow my body to continue to work miracles, process the trauma and grow ever stronger. This is not a linear path with easy answers or quick fixes. But I am here. I am alive. I am grateful. And I will heal. Day always follows night. 🙏🏾