Working Through The Trauma
December 6th, 2019
I burst into tears while physically recreating my accident and working through the moment of impact over and over and over again in the hands of the therapist today. Trauma is a beast. My body panicked, muscles tensed, emotions surged instantly in a wild involuntary response that took me by complete surprise every time my face neared contact with the floor. My rational mind knew I was safe in her arms, yet that specific motion triggered both the mental and muscle memory of my eye and mouth slamming painfully into the asphalt at full force. With my alarmed, overwhelmed, frightened musculoskeletal and nervous systems literally in her hands, she continued to lead me through repetitive movements, invite me to notice tensions, ask illustrative questions and remind me to release. Once she discerned where my body has been holding the bulk of its tension for the past three months, as an unconscious instinctual response to anything that calls back the trauma, she could then begin to address the challenges and ailments. I lay on my back on the table, as she used gentle pressure, guided breathwork and holistic healing techniques to remove blockages and restore healthy balance and flow to my injured body, traumatized brain, compromised systems and energy fields. I don’t purport to understand what precise techniques she utilized, the layers of sciences behind it, from where her intuitive knowledge stems, or the ancient wisdom upon which she draws — but I do know that working through the moment of impact was revelatory on numerous sensory levels. I want to be healed in mind and body alike, and in order to do so, I must seek light and come to better comprehend, deconstruct and reinterpret the traumatic incident in a way that will not define, trigger or cripple me evermore.