December 4th, 2019
For anyone I have let down or will let down, I apologize. Every plan I've made for the past three months has fallen through, the fault of no one but myself. I continually have to cancel, am unable to uphold commitments, face physical and mental challenges that render all impossible. This wreaks havoc on my life, my psyche, my confidence, my sense of self, my relationships, my world. A colleague of my mom’s was supposed to come over for dinner the other night, but when my health took a nosedive earlier in the day, my mom then had to cancel, for which I felt doubly terrible. So I made her friend sweet potato pudding, a feeble attempt at the most sincere of apologies. My schedule remains cleared for the foreseeable future because I can’t take the stress of having to cancel, postpone, renege on anything and everything. So please know that you are certainly not the reason I repeatedly avoid or fail to make a date for a visit, schedule a phone call, plan for a get together, confirm an event; this is all me, all regrettable, all disheartening, all a wild and rather miserable process.