DECEMBER 27, 2019

I need light right now — and am certain I’m not the only one.  Today and tonight were far from easy. As much as the holidays overfloweth with beauty and joy, so too do stresses and tensions arise, even among those we love most and especially when health is compromised. I literally didn’t see the light of day, unable to get out of bed until after 7pm, waking with my eyes swollen shut (an allergic reaction to my grandmother’s cats, I think/hope), persistent horrific headache (due to dehydration and additional blood loss — internally again, as well as now from my nose and ear) and overwhelming anxiety around just about everything (life has been/is simply too much with too many variables, moving parts and unknowns). I am still not functionally properly or thinking straight (so forgive my lack of reply to anyone for days), but did manage to cook leftover ingredients into something palatable, clean up what I was unable to get to last night as to not burden my grandmother with too much post-holiday work, unfortunately spurring new dizzy spells by lifting things that were all-but-certainly too heavy for my weak body, and change my airline ticket multiple times, finally settling on the earliest flight possible, because I desperately need to be settled safely at home, where I can focus on caring for myself. As I lit the menorah alone in the dead of night, I got lost in the flickering of the candles, praying that some of that exalted light which proved miraculous for our ancestors may perform miracles here and now.