Going Away To Heal
December 10th, 2019
I am going away — to heal, to be, to take care of me. My physical pain has been so intense, psychological trauma so daunting, medical appointments so frequent, stresses so high that I have not had a moment to truly to rest, to pause, to breathe in the three grueling months since my accident. Doctors, psychiatrists and healers alike have been urging me to take that time for a multitude of reasons, corroborating the safety, benefits, even importance for both physical and mental health.
I’ve literally seen dozens of doctors over countless appointments, undergone multiple facial reconstructive and oral procedures, completed various treatments for a long list of ailments, endured panic attacks, faced devastating anxiety, survived setbacks, and progressed marginally, all the while gaining patience, gratitude and tools to better navigate the many unknowns that still lie ahead, including persistent brain trauma, frightening PTSD, and a likely next round of facial surgeries in January. Specialists have been recommending various in-patient programs for different facets of recovery — and while I have yet to commit, not sure if any is a good fit for my symptoms and situation, let alone financially feasible, I am beginning with a simple wellness retreat.
If something feels right and and is safe for body and mind, DO it, my doctors underscore. If there is a chance of adding ease or positivity to my life, I should stop second-guessing and open myself to what I need and deserve. Right now, that is to relax, to destress, to unwind. And thanks to the generosity of a dear friend, I am taking advantage of this brief respite before my next round of oral and facial procedures begin on Monday and whatever may follow. With equal parts trepidation and hope, my little self is off to a place I never imagined I would journey — a restorative slice of earth for just a few days through the weekend. I know not what to expect and have no plans but to simply be. I can only pray I will feel safe, calm and supported, perhaps even inspired, strengthened and revitalized.