A Step Towards Recovery
November 5th, 2019
The sky is blue. The sun is shining. And some of my stitches are out!
I may have passed out in the surgeon’s office, have scabs hanging from various parts of my face, and still boast many stitches in from last week’s facial reconstructive operations, but doctors report that the surgery seems to have gone well! The simple fact that I am able to see beauty in these surroundings on the drive home from the post-op appointment, albeit amid agony, dizziness and stress, must be a sign that my outlook on the world is brightening ever so slightly.
Knowing that there are numerous additional surgeries, hurdles and variables on the long road ahead, I am trepidatious to even say it — but with ongoing healing, medical progress and better pain management, I do feel momentary influxes of positivity, good energy, improved moods and increased hope. Just in the past day, I received a poignant video with messages from dear friends that touched my soul (and silly ones too, that almost made me laugh); was able to focus on a fascinating recommended podcast for a solid chunk without being derailed by pain; sent a few notes to people that I had struggled to articulate for months; mixed a dollop of smooth nut butter (crunchy foods are still a thing of my dreams) into silky homemade chocolate pudding and relished that new flavor; and got a quick thrill from new emojis on my phone. This may all sound trivial or ridiculous, but I welcome any rare joy or tiny breakthrough at this moment.
Maybe the tinge of optimism or encouraging shift in my voice, my tone, my energy, my spirit is a fluke, perhaps only fleeting, or could it finally be forward movement? One of my best friends said he was proud of me — and no matter what tomorrow brings on my recovery journey, or even the instability of my condition this evening, I must say that I too am proud of me. I remain deeply grateful for, ever-channeling and in awe of the heretofore unknown and wholly overwhelming strength, perseverance and support of my own mind, body and spirit, as well as doctors, friends and greater community, which have allowed for me to arrive at this day.