September 19, 2019

Why am I not healing? I don’t expect some miracle fix, but had grown accustomed to seeing and sensing even minor progress since the accident, which helped to keep my spirits up, though has now seemingly come to a halt. I feel that my body, my healing, my health have plateaued without any improvement in days — and in some cases, even worsened — generating an onslaught of negative feelings. Despite my best attempts, I cannot shake the waves and influx of fear, anger, disappointment, exhaustion, anxiety, frustration, stress, discomfort and, of course, pain. This process is far more challenging, serious, complex and drawn-out than I ever could have foreseen. As I stand here in my nightgown with a bandaged face, trying to soak in a bit of sunshine on my back following an afternoon nap, I know that the silver linings must be out there, but sadly feel they are increasingly difficult to find.