October 29th, 2019
The future of my teeth is… TBD. That’s not bad news 👏🏽 out of my post-op appointment 🏥, one week after oral surgery. 🗓 Me and my new mouth will continue getting to know each other 🤝, waiting for the blessed day 🙏🏾 when solid food 🌮 is more common than medicine 💊, when spicy cocktails 🍸 replace lukewarm teas 🍵, and when I can actually physically form a smile 😊, let alone be confident enough to do so. 🤷🏻♀️ Because I am experiencing small victories that may just be worthy of a smile… like perhaps having made the right choice in doctors, procedures and oral care despite the horrific stress, infuriating setbacks and ongoing uncertainty 🤞🏼?
Maybe another tooth has to go. Maybe more root canals are necessary. Maybe one needs to be redone. Maybe nerve damage is causing pain. Maybe the newfound fracture will worsen. But maybe not, which is welcome tepid news. Much is still needed in the realm of alignment, aesthetics and color, but the trauma work and structural repairs in and around my mouth are mostly complete. Only time will tell whether it holds a week, two months, or a couple decades, if I am lucky. As an early dentist told me, “this accident will plague you forever,” but with less vengeance as time passes.
They call it medical practice — and my doctors are indeed practicing on me. I resist the urge to fault or lay blame, because no one can possibly know the full ramifications of an accident, my injuries, persistent trauma. And I do trust the talented doctor, seasonal professional and kind soul leading my oral care. What I once viewed as a science with clearcut answers, decisive fixes and set solutions to problems, I now view as an ambiguous, uncertain process of tests and trials. That's a hard reality to bite into when I personally wake, eat, talk, drink, sleep, live with the pain and repercussions of unresolved oral issues day in and day out. It frustratingly feels like everything is TBD these days. But so it is, a waiting game that requires only one thing: time.