One Day Closer To Healing
October 24th, 2019
"Happy Thursday. One day closer to full healing. As close as you’ve ever been to full healing.” A friend sent me that text — and while frustrating in that neither I, nor he, nor doctors have any clue how long or complete that healing journey could possibly be, its fundamental truth resonates.
I may not see or feel the progress one would expect nearly seven weeks after my accident, I may be exhausted by the ups and downs in a given day, I may find myself lost and confused amid ongoing medical mayhem, however I do recognize that change is happening — and successful surgeries bolster the sense of momentum, though many more remain. Trapped in my body without distance or perspective, it can be hard to discern, but when I pause to reflect and take stock, I do see some indications of healing. However small or incremental, I write those observations in my journal as important reminders of the body’s miraculous capacity that I can look back on in dark moments. And sometimes it takes others to identify or name my progress. “You smiled for the first time,” my mom wrote in one of the many thoughtful cards she leaves by my bedside for me to read when I wake, either in the morning, after a nap or late night. I still don’t believe I can smile — not possessing that level of mobility and, on the rare occasion I dare look in a mirror, cannot see any such expression forming across my mangled face. But the simple fact that SHE saw something which even remotely resembles a smile in the face of the daughter she knows so well must be glimmer of hope.
Right now, I feel even just an iota more like the Erin with a mouth I once knew, ate with, spoke with, kissed with, smiled with — even though I cannot do any of those things. But the arrival of that day is beginning to feel like a YET rather than a WHETHER, which represents major progress. Thoughts become things — and I feel mine (maybe beginning to possibly contemplate slowly) edging toward a positive shift. ✨